I always wanted to update our blog. It is just that I’m either running out of time or don’t give any time for the update. So for that, I am truly sorry. I must admit, this is the first time that I will update our blog. And of course, I’ve got my special reason.

Wake up BDT members, Nica, Vanir, Philippe, Carlos Miguel, Niño, Julius, Margaux, Abygaile, Angelie and Jay-V. It has been a long time since we got together. With the exemption of our “March 31 Get-together,” we have not been complete for a long time. Some were busy for other things, some prefer playing this and that (including me, I am sorry), some cannot attend because of this and that, and some do not feel liking it. I feel sorry for myself that one of our members feels bad about us, thinking if there were sessions to come or an anniversary to be celebrated, whether it will be successful or not. I feel sorry for myself that I am not able to lead our group and sustain our tradition, especially this summer. Before the school year ended, there might been gaps within us. And now we are far from each other, different places, and different lives. Before, I thought we are totally bonded. I realized it is somehow because we were classmates and Jay-V is not far from us even though he is not from Mendel. But now, as I picture us, I started to cry. Iba na kasi, magkakalayo, iba-ibang schedule, paano na?? And I strated asking myself if I can still lead BDT (If I wasn’t even sure I did it well before). Before the year ended for us, we promised that it is not the end of our group, that it will last for a long time. Pero hindi ko naman maitatanggi na bago pa man nagtapos ang taon, nalayo na ang iba sa atin sa isa’t isa. Mayroong mga nainis sa ibang kasama, mayroong mga nagtatago ng mga nararamdaman. Isa pa, we haven’t talked for a long time together before we parted ways (even nung outing). Am I being too emotional now? Well, what do you expect, I am a girl, knowing my personality, it is a part of me.

I am only trying to say that I value each one of you, and I really can’t afford to lose all of you. I am suffering with too many problems right now, and only you, one of the best friends I ever had and shared my smiles with are the few ones I still have. You take all of my burdens away so I hope we will last forever. You made me so much happy. Happier than I ever thought. This coming school year, I hope we still have time for each other. We still have time for fun and more get-together.

Sana sa anniversary natin ngayong darating na August 26, 2006, we’re complete. And we are going to spend the day with laughs and smiles in our eyes. I love you all. GO BDT!! GO!!
*_+ maritoni +_*
Monday, May 22, 2006 +DANCE WITH ME+11:33 PM

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Whew. Break’s almost over and what have I been up to these past few weeks. Well, for starters, I’m really lazy about typing anything into my blog (it shows). Either I’m really exhausted or I’m not “in the mood” to key in every in/significant detail in my petty life. Only now I had the energy because I have absolutely nothing to do.

The Manila Science High School Alumni Chorale (MSHSAC) have already been practicing for the upcoming concert on February. We still insist on being choir members despite our “clashing” schedules and intoxicating workloads. It was fun to sing again with them. I can remember the times when we struggled through the contests- the Himig Pamasko 2007 at Baywalk, Manila; the Rotary Club Chorale Competition; and especially the Rizal National festival of excellence Musical Theatre. During rehearsals, we would lie down on our backs and sing while there were thick books on top of our stomachs. We had really stressful moments when we were cramming to master the song. -sigh..- We were “kids” back then. Now everything’s different yet we still have the blazing passion to sing our hearts out despite all the trivialities. We still strive for excellence as we have been doing all these years.

It was about last last week when I started playing Ragnarok again due to the fact that it was a “free-to-play” server. I didn’t need to top-up anymore game time. You can now buy virtually any item using your money. Instead of loading up your game time, you load up your RoK points and start wiping out the in-game item catalog. Of course, this was the last resort for the game developers because the number of gamers has declined. I believe that the depreciating value of money caused this and enlightened people like me have realized its worth. Also, from experience, Ragnarok can get very monotonous as you progress because it gets more difficult to level up. It’s not that I have anything against online games, I still do play them but leisurely I guess. I’ve burned thousands just for this game and I’m not committing the same mistake twice.


Last week at the height of the “undas season,” we’ve visited our deceased relatives at the Manila Memorial in Parañaque and Eternal Gardens in Quezon City. We chilled in the cemetery for at least 5 hours- we ate, slept, hung out alongside the graves and tombstones because it was already customary for us. As we left, we prayed solemnly and bid our sad goodbyes to the lolo’s I’ve never met before.

From the 2nd to the 3rd of November 2007, our church “God’s House of Blessing” had a retreat at Tagaytay. We had a very captivating experience with the Lord. For two days and one night, we stayed at the Christian Development Center (CDC). Although we didn’t have a chance to get out and experience Tagaytay as is, we had a very defining moment in our spirituality. We renewed our faith to the Lord and came out as baby Christians. During sleep time, there was still scary stories and skyflakes to be shared. Niño got so scared that he exchanged beds with Kuya Ninoy. It’s because Niño was right beside the window. Haha. After everything, we left around 6pm the next day.

I started updating my multiply account (ronel003.multiply.com) to record all these events with pictures from my trusty SLR. I didn’t even know that it was called like that until ate Margel, a church mate, told me about it. She even gave me a crash course on photography about speed and a---nce. Nakalimutan ko ung a word that refers to the amount of light that enters the lens. Hmm.. with that aside, I advertise my multiply account. Haha. Please do add me up :D I still wish I had my desktop pc upgraded and a broadband connection for uploading pictures :c

Two days ago, I bought a Naruto Shipuuden DVD from the Lozada Wet and Dry Market, where I ride the jeep homebound. Obviously, it’s a pirated version. I was tempted to buy this because of three reasons.

1. I got envious of the man who was browsing along the pirated dvd.
2. I really wanted to watch shipuuden for the past few months or at least when I knew of its existence; and
3. I had money and it feels good to spend money.

I was really excited about it and I can’t wait to finally watch it at home. As I got home, I prepared the dvd player and my lunch, sat down and enjoyed the show. As my parents came home from work, I was still watching it- realizing that I was on the tv for about 6 hours. Mom got infuriated about this and she scolded me. As an anime addict, I told her for many times na “sandali nalang,” “kaunti nalang ma,” or “saglit nalang.” Eventually, I got her so mad and she just pulled the cord wtf.. I just tried to understand her and the current power crisis (and our financial crisis as well) and went off to my room. I think the reason that I got her mad because I was using our big TV. The normal sized tv’s dvd player got busted last week so I had no choice but to watch it on the projection tv. I just watched it the next day for another 5 hours and finished it. Hehe, I watched it as soon as I woke up (about 10am). Sorry mom for the expected price hike on our monthly meralco bill ;p Btw, Naruto has never been this good. Haha. All of them leveled up and was fighting head-on with Akatuski members. All the fierce battles, exciting scenes and dramatic plots.. Woooo!!

Last night, I because I really had absolutely nothing to do (I was really unproductive for the past days excluding me watching Naruto haha.) Mom told me to take charge over our small retail store. Since I was bad shot to her about the Naruto thing, I conceded to her. As usual, it was very boring. I used the small black and white tv (at least it had abs-cbn :D I heard that they’d have their systems upgraded by January 2008 with their “Digital TV” effect. I hope it succeeds though because all that our single-eared rabbit antenna only receives GMA 7 which, I think, explains GMA 7’s high ratings ;p) to at least entertain myself. Good thing I have my cellphone with me and I texted most of the time. It was when texting got boring that I pulled some of the store’s back issue magazines. I browsed some of it and, thankfully, it did eat my time. It was up until 12:30am that I closed the store. And because of my valiant effort, I got allowance from my dad. Wahaha.

Today, all I did was wake up at 12nn, watch over the store again, play sudoko on the magazines, drink water and eat minimally. Whew. So much for unproductivity. -sigh..- at least I was less of a nuisance to my mom. Haha. She even congratulated me for being “good.” wth. Kidding! And today marks the last day (umm.. last Friday, last weekday day?) of sembreak! Another semester awaits me at UP Manila. Wee. My objective is to attend all concerts/parties and get sober-> drunk -> wasted -> plastered. Haha. (Effects of Liqour Flowchart by Paula Sales. hehe). My real objective is to study harder! And become hmm.. a dentist (6 years) and a surgeon (about 4 years of medicine and 4-5 years of specialization).

Hey, everyone has their dreams..

[Waw.. ang tagal ko na palang hindi nagpopost. Game, pupunasan ko na ung mga agiw. tagalog nalang.]

Whew. Ang dami nang nangyari. Nagkaroon ng practice ang MSHS Alumni Chorale last friday. Nagbago't nagimprove ang karamihan. Bumalik narin si Emerson. Magaling na rin siguro. Namiss ko ang choir pero may something. Mejo nagblublur ung sense of belongingness ko. Ako lang yata 'yung may problema (paranoia ulit.. ata). Galing nga e, may upcoming concert kami sa PhilAm Life this December. Excited.. Anxious.. Kinakabahan.. Natutuwa.. eto na naman ung halu-halong emosyon. Samahan mo pa ng past events at 'yung walang kamatayang insecurities at lack of confidence na hindi bumibigong biguin ako. Dapat na-master ko na 'yun. Ewan ko ba.

UPM! Masaya naman sa upm. Kelangan lang magadjust sa kasawaan sa lugar. Nakakasanayan ko na ung lack of variety. Isang normal day nalang ulet sa akin ung sumakay ng jeep at bus sa kahabaan ng Taft avenue. Pero hindi riyan nagtatapos ang college life [ko]. Nagiging exciting na siya kapag pumasok ka na sa classroom at nagstart na ang mga prof sa pagturo ng NatSci, SocSci, Philo, Comm, Math, at Histo. Pati narin ang NSTP at PE na ginagawa kadalasan sa labas.

Exciting ung mga ka-block ko, kitang-kita ang diverse student population ng up. May mga kablock akong galing Butuan, Pangasinan, Bataan.. ako naman galing Faura. May mga PhilAm at may muslim blockmate rin ako. Medyo nakakasabay rin ako sa balitaktakan ng mga ka-iskolar kong pure english magsalita. Hehe.. 'di naman 'yun siguro ka-konyohan.

Dati nood nood lang ako sa tv ng mga taong sigaw ng sigaw sa kalsada, mga taong pampatrapik sa daan, mga taong nakikipagbakbakan sa mga pulis, mga taong binobombahan ng tubig, mga taong nagrarally.. Ngayon, mapapanood niyo na ako! Last thurs after class, may rally na isasagawa ang UP pati narin ang ibang kolehiyo sa kalakhang Maynila (FEU, PUP etc.) dahil sa TOFI (Tuition and Other Fees Increase). Nakisali ako sa kanila. Kasama ko ang blockhead naming si arman at ang blockmate kong si dianna. Pumunta kami kasama ang iba pang UPM students sa morayta para magrally. Siyempre, ayaw ko rin namang magbayad ang mga magulang ko ng mataas na matrikula. Nababawasan din ang baon ko.. hehe.. Joke. Pero siyempre para mabawasan ung pagiging "liability" ko sa magulang ko. Isa 'yun sa mga dahilan sa pagsali ko. Tsaka experience rin 'un. Medyo kinabahan rin ako nung nakita ko ung pulis na may mga malalaking shield at batuta. Lalu pa nung nakita ko ung fire truck na nagaabang. Buti nalang hindi kami binombahan ng tubig. Whew.. Masaya magsiga-sigaan sa daan! Hehe.. Parang mga nakawalang hayop lang. Parang gusto ko na tuloy maging aktibista at makisalok sa maruming lawa ng politika. Un, napagod lang. Pero fulfilling..

Satisfied narin ako sa aking katawan. Pero may i-o-ok pa 'to. Balik ulit ako sa 59kg ngunit mataas lang talaga ang body fat index ko. Masaya finals namin sa pe 1! Fun Run! Matagal nang nasa curriculum ang pagtakbo ng mga pe1 fpf (foundations/fundamentals in Physical fitness) students sa acad oval ng upd. Medyo naexcyt nga ako nung una kong nalaman 'yun e. Pero grabe.. nakakapagod tumakbo. Every fri, tumatakbo kami paikot-ikot sa upm grounds for 40 mins. 10 laps 'yun! Buti naman among the top runners ako palagi. Hehe.

Ok naman sa acads. Wala akong mga bagsak hehe.. excited narin akong mag dentistry proper. Last wednesday, nagkaroon kami ng career orientation. Pinakita nila kung anu ung kahihinatnan namin sa dent.

-Pwedeng mag venture sa forensics. Medyo disturbing nga lang ung finlash na cases sa ppt presentation at diring-diri ang lahat.

-Pwedeng mag pediatric dent. Dito magexpect ka na magiging teether ang kamay mo. Kailangan ding maging "patient and child-loving" ang mga kukuha nito. Kung trip ay makipag socialize sa ating mga kababayan, community dent daw. Kung san san napapadpad ung mga nag cocommunity dent. May time na pinadala pa ung speaker sa malaysia as ambassador of peace and goodwill. Masaya naman to pero hindi gaano mahahasa ang skills na na-acquire sa pagaaral ng dent

-More on socialization xempre. Kung hardcore dentistry at ung tipong factory-paced ang gusto, industrial dent daw. Sila ung mga private companies na naka-station kadalasan sa mga hindi gaanong nabibisitang parte ng mga malls. Maraming patients kaagad ang mahahandle. Hasang-hasa talaga ang tooth extraction, dental amalgamation? (hehe.. nanghuhula lang ako. paglalagay nalang ng pasta) at ung iba pang common weapons ng isang general dentist. Ok daw 'to. Pagkagrad at pagkakuha ng license, sabak na agad.

-Pero sa mas "hardcore" na dentistry.. Nandiyan ung option na mag enroll sa post grad. Meron ang upm niyan! Along faura! Orthodontics! 6 lang sila sa batch. Halatang hardcore tlga. Isa ito sa mga lucrative ventures ng isang dentista. Bend bend ng wires.. Kabit kabit ng brackets.. Compute compute ng velocity ng paggalaw ng ngipin.. Pampayaman to. Kaya 'eto 'yung balak ko kunin paglaki ko.

-May iba pang post grad courses ang dentistry.. ang "oral and maxillofacial surgery" another 5 years yan.. Parang med proper lang. Pero pagkagrad mo.. Kikilalanin kang isang surgeon (medical doctor) at dentista. Hmm.. medyo appealing ung dual title. Ewan ko nalang kung san ako babagsak.

Tama na sa dent. Baka hindi ka na gaanong nakakarelate.

Ang kulit ng buhay.. may mga taong malapit sayo pero parang ang layo.. may mga lumalapit na ule pero may mga lumalayo rin.. meron ding.. ewan.. mejo nakakadepress pero wala naman akong magagawa.. ganun talaga.. Sori sa drama. Lalo ka sigurong hindi nakarelate.

I have been on this perilous journey for such a long time. I can almost see the blurry end and I could only depict two conclusions – a mountain slope or –sigh..- a waterfall.

Keeping a nearly perfect punctual(?) record was quite difficult. Several hours on the road was as painstaking as it can get including my late night house arrivals. Accompaniment from dizziness and drowsiness made matters even worse. But having to attend was a blessing in itself. Listening to serenades and having your voice trained was an opportunity not to be missed by a chorale fanatic like myself. My head was just held up too high for me to appreciate those things..

I dreamt for it. I yearned for it. But here I am now, an obsessed, half-crazed lunatic. The recurrences of remorse, jealousy and self-pity have become my staple. Wallowing in these “sorrows” is definitely destructive. But I subconsciously keep on swimming back, it’s as if I need it.. The urge surpasses my frail will rendering me vulnerable to such..

I am not depressed or anything but this burden just keeps on loading itself up. It keeps on growing. No matter how I try to annihilate these inhibitions, they keep on coming back.. Its roots squirm etheir way to the depths of my being. A ticking time bomb.. Its blossoming.. my demise.

How can such a dream become such a nightmare? The incompetence.. The lack.. It feels as if I am about to implode.. I think I just need to immerse myself in fresh waters. I will miss this intoxicating invigoration. It is not the end yet.. but nearly tehe end. I will enduringly wait for it to. A “come what may” is indeed at hand..

-crosses fingers and dives down the waterfall-

GAME! Go August 5!!